I'm Thankful

It's a quiet Saturday night. Pretty much read my Bible for a few hours - I had to catch up on my reading the Bible in one year plan. Did laundry, and help my girlfriend move all day. I'm just thankful. There are things that could go worse (not in my favor) but I'm fine. I have no reason to complain.

I thought it would be cool to just think. No TV no music no nothing as I chomped on my Chipotle burrito bowl. I cleaned up my roomates' mess (and by cleaned up I mean put their trash away and place their soiled dishes in the sink) and just sat at my kitchen table to think. All this non-noise starts to promotethe most random thoughts. Everything flashing through my mind such as my childhood, overall life reflection, to food (#fatKidProbs #iKnowIhadJustEaten #hashtagOnBlog #wutUp #selfie), to my grandpa.

Yeah.

I know I talk about him a lot. But the pain never really goes away from a loss like that. The memories may be silenced/softened/hidden away, but it is always always going to be there. 

You have to understand what a great man my grandpa was. Almost the opposite of me actually. He never talked too too much.. but his words were ones that you would always remember. He didn't tell you he loved you as much as he showed you he loved you. 

Thankfulness.

He was thankful for his wife. My grandmother. His only girlfriend. Literally his one and only. Having one girl you've ever dated. And the day before he died STILL opened her doors, STILL held her hand, and STILL grinned at her like his feelings never changed. I want that. He was so thankful for her.

I'm thankful that I knew such a man. Till his last day on this planet, he was the most thankful person I know. Thankful in respect to always having an appreciation for everyone by staying true to his word. For example, on the day he died he told me that he would take my brother Carl and I out for breakfast. On his dying day he gave a $20 bill to my mother to give to us so that he could stay true to his word and treat us out to a breakfast. Part of me didn't want to spend that $20, but then that wouldn't fulfill my grandpa's wishes. I think Carl and my tab was about $9 bucks, but we left the whole $20.

So What've You Been Up To?

"Not much," is typically my response to that question. Typically it's to avoid long stories or a sequence of short stories that I find interesting in my life that nobody else does. What an awkward question. If I answer it, I sound like a prideful schmuck. I have such a boring  life. Anywho. This is me answering that question

Firstly, I'm learning about how much I need God in my life. I used to think about how much I knew or thought I knew, how much I thought I mastered in the Bible, how little I sin, but wow. I'm a mess. I'm such a prideful stupid mess. Humility is a hard pill to swallow. I fail God constantly, but He loves me. And I'm so glad He does. I'm so selfish and 27 years into life, I am realizing that.

Numero Two. Wow, I'm old. 27? I figured I'd have a family and my own house by now. Ah the best laid plans...

Thirdly, I have a girlfriend. Her name is Jackie. She's great. She hates when I'm public about us. So I'll just leave it at I couldn't ask for a better woman. (:

*stopped numbering*
I miss my family. I miss them a whole lot. Spending Christmas without them feels terrible, but at least I have my  brother, Ryne. And Skype. I have Skype.

My playstation was broken for two months. God works in mysterious ways, right? Assassin's Creed III comes out, I get a girlfriend and my playstation breaks! Nacho Libre was inside of it when it broke - When it rains it pours, right? Took $150 to get it back and running,  but I'm glad it's back.

My work schedule is killing me. I work till 8 almost every day. It doesn't allow me to go to church Wednesday nights. I hope that changes soon if we get to hire more people... Or get an alternate working schedule where I can have Wednesdays off and work 10 hour days.

Anywho. That's my life in a nutshell these days. Imagine if I told somebody this during an awkward urinal conversation (Yknow... at the urinal in the bathroom?)

Love

Never date a tennis player: Love means nothing to them.

Well I was a tennis player, and in some ways, I still am. I don't think the word love means anything to any of us anymore.


"I love otter pops," "I love soda," "I love driving,"I love video games." "I love you"


Love. A mere four letter word. Its definition has been distorted over the years and through American culture. The word is overused, underestimated, and its once powerful definition now means nothing, but a strong fondness. It's a word that can be used to describe your strong positive opinion of a food item and in the next sentence can vaguely describe your feelings toward a special someone.


Love.


I overuse it. I said it when I didn't mean it. I've cheapened its meaning, and now I'm convicted of it. Every time I use it, it means less every time. Someone recently told me that the more times I use a pickupline or compliment, the more meaning it loses...


I mean... Love means something. It means everything. Everyone has their own opinion of it, but I think from what I've surmised from over the years, it's the most important thing.. But I can't really put my finger on exactly what it means.. At least at this point in the entry.


What is love.. It is underestimated and is over complicated. Let's take a look at what some children's definitions (some intentionally left for silliness):


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8


When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4


"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5


"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4


"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8


"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7


"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6


"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8


"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4



"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8




"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 8


See? Children get it... I couldn't come up with such pure innocent answers. Am I overthinking? I don't know.. Probably.


"Life makes love look hard"

-TSwift



Love has charcteristics found in 1 Corinthians 13.. Let's look at what love is





Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


That means hate is mean, envies, boasts and is arrogant. It is RUDE. It insists on its on way, it is irritable resentful rejoices at wrongdoing, rejoices in deception, hate does not bear all things, Hate does not believe, hope and endures all things.


Wow. I hate people. There a few things I do need to work on to love more effectively.


I want the people I love to know and feel those three words and know that they are true when I say them and when they hear them. I don't want to cheapen love. Not even the word. I will make a whole-hearted effort to, even jokingly, hate less and love more, and not use the word excessively.


God is love. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. A self-less unconditional love. Wow. I don't deserve it, and I'm starting to doubt that I'm really capable of it... Yknow.. Loving a real kind of love. But God makes us worthy, right?


Christ is patient and kind; Christ does not envy or boast; Christ is not arrogant or rude. Christ does not insist on His own way; Christ is not irritable or resentful; Christ does not rejoice at wrongdoing but Christ rejoices with the truth. Christ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.

Home. Reminiscing. Ordinary Adventures.

That's a weird concept right now. Ha. Home. I'm driving very familiar streets. In the last two days, I've had dinners prepared for me at two different homes (My Mexican Families). I live in Iowa now. That's my residence.


Home is where the heart is. Then I guess I have a couple different homes right? I have a piece of my heart everywhere.


I was driving to the house I grew up in (see what I did there? I didn't call it home) and looked at the clock. "It's 9:58," I thought, "it's pretty early!" So I circled back and just decided to take a drive. It felt great looking at familiar streets.I decided to tour my elementary and middle schools to kill the time and reminisce. It was nostalgic to have mini movies play in my head. Each one was as vivid as watching it on film.


One of the scenarios is where I walk towards the school entrance from my parents' cars giving them a kiss on the cheek and meditating on what the rest of the school day was going to be like. My first day of school. The air so cold I could see my breath, my backpack filled with brand new school supplies and writing utensils I was going to lose in weeks. All of my friends went to another middle school since my parents faked our address to get into the less ghetto. I was going to have to make new friends. I was in a completely different environment. A big school. Harder teachers, and I had no clue what to expect. But at least I had my new mechanical pencils, right? Do you remember that rush, the anticipation, and anxiety of that first day of school? Do you know when I last felt that? It was when I dropped off my dad at the airport after our long road trip to Des Moines, IA. It's that feeling of, "Is this for real?" "Wow, I'm really growing up, huh?"


I continued my drive and I just noticed buildings that have been built, street lines that have been painted, and businesses that were either abolished or replaced. My hometown is going on without me and for the the longest time I have been stagnant in my growth because I was waiting on my hometown. For the longest time I kept rereading the last page in the last chapter and prevented myself from advancing the next one. Life has to go on, and whatever that next challenge God leads me to, I have to take it with open arms (sidenote unlike Jon 'Bones' Jones in UFC 151).


I will always cherish my family and friend-families here in southern California. But Iowa is my home right now. I have new streets to get more familiar with, new roads, and new situations to where I can say "Wow, I'm really growing up, huh?"

Dos And Don'ts in a Filipino Household

1. DO take your shoes off before you enter. I don't know. I mean my household is a little more "Americanized" than most Filipino households... But if they have carpet for SURE take your shoes off. I have only hardwood and tile.
2. DON'T mind that there's a large cup/small bucket in the bathroom. Nobody forgot to put it away. It's supposed to be there. It's called a Tabo (tah-boh).. Americans have toilet paper... Filipinos have that. Just think of it as a poor man's french bidet. 
3. DO notice that we point with our lips. 
4. DON'T sit in a living room if it looks like no one's ever used the furniture (if there are multiple living rooms) because chances are nobody has and nobody will. For decorations
5. DO notice that F's sound like P's. That's a Pilipino accent.
6. DON'T refuse food or drink. Just don't.
7. DO sing karaoke if offered. Come on. It's FUN.
8. DON'T mind if we hug you. We do that.
9. DO cheer for Pacquiao. Seriously. If you love Manny Pacquiao, you're in.
10. DON'T forget to credit any Filipino dos and don'ts if a priendly Pilipino (see what I did there?) did you the favor of posting a blog for you before you meet a Filipino family.

Weird Time In My Life

Being this age is awkward. Well. I guess being any age is awkward. Babies don't know what they're doing. Toddlers fall a lot. Kids are just weird and excitable. Teens are.. Well. Awkward. Young adulthood, doesn't get any different. The difference between then and now? It's what your goals are.

In America, everything revolves around your livelihood. So learning was always the goal. Graduating elementary, middle, and high schools were the goals of our childhood. Colleges/Careers were our goals as young adults, and well now that you have a career... Now what?

"Life is what you make it."

Well. What the heck do I make it? This is awkward. Get more money? Buy more stuff? Get a woman? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! I just feel like I'm gonna just work till I die. How depressing is that? Work. Cubicles. Pay check to pay check. Retirement. Die. I'm glad I have Jesus. My only hope. It just frustrates me that I don't have a clear path for my goals these days. I don't know what I want.

Ha. Wasn't that funny? I hang out with a lot of bible college students, so I hear a lot of that... I was thinkin tho....

The average American male gets married at 26.8 years old. I was 26.8 on May 18th of this year which officially makes me a late bloomer. You would think I would have my act together by now and would have had a house a woman and my life all figured out. I always said "Yeah, I'll figure it out soon.." Truth is, I'm here and there's nothing to figure out. When you're a baby you just had to figure out how your body and environment worked. As a toddler, you're walking around exploring stuff.. Now I got a house car and all that I need a woman, right?

So anyways. I'm not lonely, but I feel an obligation to try and get hitched. All my friends are getting married if they're not already. It really hit me when I got an invite to a friend's wedding... A friend who at one time I had feelings for. No I'm not still in love with her or anything, but one can't help but reevaluate your life based on these recent events.

I'm thinking way too much. Love Jesus. Every day. As much as possible. That should be my goal. All this depression and regret is taking time away from my Savior.

The Best Laid Plans

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
-Robert Burns

I've been really into British literature these past two weeks. It's really weird. I came across that  Robert Burns poem that I read back in '03 and it really inspired me to write this. My life never goes to plan. Nay, my life never goes according to MY plan. My initial plan was to move to Iowa for a bit, live with my friends for maybe a year, move in with my bro if I'm still here, and haul my crap back to California as quickly as possible.

Didn't Happen.

God had another plan. Move here... Humble the crap outta me, take away all the distractions I had back in California, then refocus my life to Him. It took like two years for that realization. Up to a couple of weeks ago, I still thought I needed to go back to California.

My old church needs me.
I need to see my cousins grow up.
My  parents are getting older. They need me to do stuff around the house.
I need to see my old friends.

Although none of those things are bad, those aren't things that I needed. I need to grow up.

And I've grown so much here. I have great friends that encourage me spiritually. I have an awesome church. I have my brother. I can start a life here. I HAVE started a life here.

My dad had cancer two weeks ago. Now he doesn't. During that week of suffering after he was diagnosed I felt week. I felt helpless. I felt like I was useless out here, and that I should have been in California this whole time to be there for my dad. I lost sleep. I lost sanity. I lost tears. But I never lost hope in Christ. Philippians 4:4-7 is something that I've been telling others to curb anxiety. I told people that the Love of Christ surpasses all understanding. I didn't tell that to myself. I hated that all I could do was depend on Him. I always take things (or try to) into my own hands and solve whatever problems. To think that something as terrible as cancer was used to humble me. To strengthen faith in my Christ. When I got news that the cancer was gone, I rejoiced and came to the realization that no matter where I am, God is sovereign and whatever happens will happen for His glory.

After the countless of job cancellations and denials, I've come to the acceptance, the realization, the welcoming of Central Iowa being my home. This time I mean it... Because I've said that before.


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
   
(Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)