Cutting The Fat

I don't know if you've read recent blog posts, or follow me on Twitter, but I just got out of a relationship. One month and 16 days ago, Jackie broke up with me. It was one of the toughest months of my life right behind my grandpa dying and my dad having cancer for a few weeks. I don't remember a time where I've been so broken down. My house/my room is a mess. And I've kinda just stopped caring about myself. I've clung to God in my mind, but my heart just wanted Jackie. To tell you the truth, my being as a whole wanted Jackie more than God. And I KNOW it's wrong.. Mentally I know, but being so broken down FEELING like I have nothing else I realize that I do need to move on. I've made my cases, she's seen me in desperation, and she prefers the company of another man.

What do I do?

Sulk some more?

Eat myself into further depression?

Today I woke up with a thought, an idea. An ordinary adventure (see what I did there?). All of these years of abusing my body and not having any physical activity.. I can use that anger that sadness to motivate me to move. Yeah. Today I worked out. Not worked out hard... I just got out there. I around my neighborhood for like 30 minutes. Okay. I know that's not a big deal, but I had to start somewhere. I laid on my mat in my garage after with cramped calves thinking I couldn't get through it.. Just like I currently think I can't get through this rut. This mentality that I can't get over my girlfriend. I mean 9 months of "I can't see myself with anyone else." 9 months of "if we get married." and one week of "where's Jackie, I thought she was coming to California with you?"was what it took for me to realize I needed to cut the fat. Both physically and emotionally. All those love letters, old jeweler, notes on the board (as I look to my immediate right)  like this

NEED to be worked out of my life.

It's unnecessary and will only hurt me in the future..and by hurt me I mean will inhibit my chances with any girls cus no one likes a crybaby.. Or a morbidly obese guy.

What can you do to help? Keep me accountable. Encourage me. Ask me if I'm losing weight. Give me money...Jk about the last one.. Unless you're rich, I guess. 

I need to get healthier. Both physically and emotionally. I'm sick and tired feeling overwhelmed and drowning in my own sadness. I'm sick of thoughts teasing me. I'm not that guy. I need to delight in my weaknesses like the apostle Paul

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Here Paul talks about his infamous thorn in his flesh that Satan put there to taunt him. God didn't remove it because He's given him enough grace. I can count this loneliness as a thorn in my flesh. Something that I want to delight in. I'm not there yet, but His grace is sufficient for me. I know that He's all I've ever needed to begin with. 

I covet your prayers.