I Can't Stop Thinking

On about 3 hours of sleep and I can't go back to bed. I'm physically limited because of my knee, so it's not like I can take a long walk outside or anything. What is bothering me?

Well. Every time I close my eyes, my thoughts consume me. My heart races. One year ago today, I stared into a woman's eyes, and she dared to stare right back with both her hands clasping my right hand and said "Yes, only if you don't burp in front of me."

^ Not the outcome I was looking for in the question.

And this is not the outcome I was expecting out of the relationship.

September 23, 2012. It was a Sunday early early morning (after midnight). In my FJ Cruiser on my parking lot.

Who'd have thought a year later I'd be celebrating by dabbling on a laptop, prepping to go to work in a tie for no reason, and taking a Claritin at 6 am.

A friend told me that it takes 6 months for every year you've been together to get over someone you've been in love with. We were together barely 10 months, but why does it feel like she's taken a life time?

Random thoughts at 6 am. I can try to go back to sleep now I guess.

Results

It's the third week I'm on this regular workout thing. I'm noticing a lot from myself just from this workout routine. Things about being in my last relationship with a girl too.

That's results.

I get frustrated pretty easily. If I don't see results right away, I get agitated, sometimes I give up, sometimes I try to put the blame on someone else. I get discouraged.

Third week, and I've dropped about 10 pounds - I see no results. If I really look at my arms, they're a bit more tone than a few weeks ago, but it frustrates me that I look pretty much the same.

Looking back at my last relationship, I got frustrated that I didn't see much change in my girlfriend. The same thoughts and concerns frustrating her  after months of thinking it was resolved, but the thing is to see the big picture in things - that she did change. She changed her whole life, stopped talking to a few people in her life, and just became (in her mind) a totally different person. This is why I threatened the relationship and wanted to break up more than I should

That might be how my body is reacting to me. Where I THINK I'm doing stuff correctly but it just takes my body some time to get used to it.

Ephesians 5 had it right when God puts man and woman in the picture of marriage that the husband was the head to the wife - the body.

I just have to keep at it and be patient and love my body because it's  not gonna change over night. And I may have to change my thoughts (what to eat, my habits, etc) if I want to benefit my body.

I may not be in a relationship leading to, if not ending, in marriage anymore, but I thank God for giving me that reminder on what I should be in a relationship between a woman and myself, and how that can relate to my regarding my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit. I mean, I know it's a bit of a stretch, but I think that's how it works... Sanctification.

If I ever get in a relationship again, I'll think twice about giving up on us. Even when the skies get rough.

I messed up my knee to the point where I can't walk right. Probably because I've been pushing my body to the limit in one workout sesh and more than I should. That means I have to ease off the walking and squats which means that results are going to come way later than I expected. Which means I have to eat better and do other exercises that tailor around that knee. It's really such a beautiful picture the husband to the wife; the head to the body; Christ to the Church.

Thank you to all the people who have been praying for me and recovering emotionally. I'm still not there, but hey Christ loves me as His own body and I know that He is perfect and sovereign and is strengthening me through this time. I may be sore right now, but I know that I'll come back stronger than ever one day. It's okay to hurt for a short while knowing that it's just a growing pain.

My Testimony

I opened my email app and I had a draft of an email that I was writing to send to someone to proofread... Here's the testimony I gave my church to be a member. It's something that I wish everyone knew about me

Hi im Jason Reyes

26

From long beach, CA. And I am a sinner.

 Before I even existed, and before I was a mortal thought, God had a plan to save me from my sinful self. Romans 6:23 says, "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I came to the saving knowledge of the Gospel, that Jesus died, was buried and resurrected, when I was 7 years old.  My aunt taught my Sunday school where my brothers and I learned a song to memorize John 3:16. Later that week, my aunt caught us singing the song. She brought us into her room and led us to the Lord. She told us that we would be in Hell, separated from God, if we did not believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In hindsight, I prayed a generic sinners’ prayer in that room after receiving the gospel but it was Gods grace that saved me.  To quote Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

So by the grace of God, I was saved… and I’d like to tell you that I lived happily ever after and that my spiritual life grew, but that wasn't the case. My home church in Long Beach, CA closed, so I stopped attending church. I was a freshman in high school when God taught me the importance of church involvement and accountability. I started going to a church that some relatives invited me to. It was a Baptist Church in Long Beach. I got to be active in youth group and I shortly followed Christ in Believers’ baptism – Identifying with Christ as dead and buried, by plunging into water and coming out, as a symbol of Jesus being raised again.

God allowed me the opportunity to work as the Youth director at my old church and as a Christian camp counselor for 6 summers. Despite being involved in so many activities, I still found a way to take God for granted. I looked at the ministry I was serving in as a hobby, in turn, the hobbies became my god. I had God’s love regardless of who I was, but His love is so big that it eventually changed me.

After being unemployed for quite some time after graduation, I desperately applied for jobs outside of California. God then opened up an opportunity to start a career here. Everything I replaced Him with: Friends, family, girls.. Were all taken from me. I realized that when Jesus was all I had, He became all I ever really needed. Part of the beauty of the Gospel is that, in comparison to what Christ already did for us, all the problems you have become insignificant. God has been showing me more and more of my weaknesses and more and more of His perfect strength. He has shown me that freedom in Christ wasn't freedom TO sin, it was freedom FROM sin.

I’m glad that he has led me to Willow Creek, and I am very excited to see how I can serve here.