The Best Laid Plans

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
-Robert Burns

I've been really into British literature these past two weeks. It's really weird. I came across that  Robert Burns poem that I read back in '03 and it really inspired me to write this. My life never goes to plan. Nay, my life never goes according to MY plan. My initial plan was to move to Iowa for a bit, live with my friends for maybe a year, move in with my bro if I'm still here, and haul my crap back to California as quickly as possible.

Didn't Happen.

God had another plan. Move here... Humble the crap outta me, take away all the distractions I had back in California, then refocus my life to Him. It took like two years for that realization. Up to a couple of weeks ago, I still thought I needed to go back to California.

My old church needs me.
I need to see my cousins grow up.
My  parents are getting older. They need me to do stuff around the house.
I need to see my old friends.

Although none of those things are bad, those aren't things that I needed. I need to grow up.

And I've grown so much here. I have great friends that encourage me spiritually. I have an awesome church. I have my brother. I can start a life here. I HAVE started a life here.

My dad had cancer two weeks ago. Now he doesn't. During that week of suffering after he was diagnosed I felt week. I felt helpless. I felt like I was useless out here, and that I should have been in California this whole time to be there for my dad. I lost sleep. I lost sanity. I lost tears. But I never lost hope in Christ. Philippians 4:4-7 is something that I've been telling others to curb anxiety. I told people that the Love of Christ surpasses all understanding. I didn't tell that to myself. I hated that all I could do was depend on Him. I always take things (or try to) into my own hands and solve whatever problems. To think that something as terrible as cancer was used to humble me. To strengthen faith in my Christ. When I got news that the cancer was gone, I rejoiced and came to the realization that no matter where I am, God is sovereign and whatever happens will happen for His glory.

After the countless of job cancellations and denials, I've come to the acceptance, the realization, the welcoming of Central Iowa being my home. This time I mean it... Because I've said that before.


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
   
(Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)