One Hour

How am I going to spend this 'extra hour' this year for the end of daylight savings?

I thought it would be fun to just hang out with the guys around the house. I love my roommates. I wish I got to spend more time with them. I'm a bit envious, though, on where everyone is at in life. Just constantly moving. Anxious. Not knowing what God has in their lives, since youth and zeal still accompanies them. On  a whim, Justin, Elijah, and I were invited to go to a friend's house - a friend we have not seen in quite some time. Jeremy asked, "what's new besides eating at Twin Peaks (don't judge me, they have legit food)? Any new girls... Job? How's everything?"

That's what kinda hit me.

Our success is defined (in a nutshell)... (as a guy).. by if you have  a woman, how attractive (physically and not physically) she is, and how much you get paid.

That's pretty much it. Go ahead and ask anyone that graduated college how it is 'catching up with old friends.'

It made me think.. What the crap am I doing with my life?!

Yesteryear (I'm trying to say that word more), I was on a date with Jackie. (I'm sorry.. I'm sorry if you're tired about reading about her or hearing about her or whatever, but that girl stole my heart and I never let her get the chance of giving it back.) ANYWHO I WAS ON A DATE. I told her that we had an extra hour and I if I had 25 hours to spend in a day, that she is getting 100% of that hour. I made hot chocolate, put it in a thermos that I bought just for the occasion, and packed some cups and lids that I got from Starbucks. And I surprised her with a trip to the lake - our spot that no one knew about. Every detail planned - even asked her a few days ago if she was a whipped cream or marshmallow woman. She wasn't suspecting anything.. and OH WAIT I NEED TO SHUT UP BECAUSE THAT'S OVER.

Where am I going with this? As easily as I was able to fish up the details on that stupid waste of time, you know where I'm at with girls? I'm pretty much done. AT THIS VERY POINT.. I have no interest in dating anyone. I remember going to Jackie's hockey game in the 'hey I like you stage'... Waiting in my car with my head on my steering wheel just asking myself what I was doing. "She's gonna think I'm a creep. She probably doesn't like me as much as I like her. Things are going to be awkward now. Don't go." I don't know if I have another one of those in me. I don't know if I could go through the anxiousness of not knowing exactly how someone feels about me. The uneasiness of being shut down. The whole starting over again. Square one.

I was going to marry that girl.
She's with her ex boyfriend. The one that's not me.

What am I doing thinking about that trash? She trashed me. She spit on our relationship. And I'm not bitter.. That's what you call things that are of no use or value to you. Things that you shouldn't have. Trash. Trash that I just keep digging up.

10 months almost with that girl. And they say it takes half the time you were with them to get over them. One more month to go to see if that theory is right.

Oh also work is going well.