Weird Time In My Life

Being this age is awkward. Well. I guess being any age is awkward. Babies don't know what they're doing. Toddlers fall a lot. Kids are just weird and excitable. Teens are.. Well. Awkward. Young adulthood, doesn't get any different. The difference between then and now? It's what your goals are.

In America, everything revolves around your livelihood. So learning was always the goal. Graduating elementary, middle, and high schools were the goals of our childhood. Colleges/Careers were our goals as young adults, and well now that you have a career... Now what?

"Life is what you make it."

Well. What the heck do I make it? This is awkward. Get more money? Buy more stuff? Get a woman? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! I just feel like I'm gonna just work till I die. How depressing is that? Work. Cubicles. Pay check to pay check. Retirement. Die. I'm glad I have Jesus. My only hope. It just frustrates me that I don't have a clear path for my goals these days. I don't know what I want.

Ha. Wasn't that funny? I hang out with a lot of bible college students, so I hear a lot of that... I was thinkin tho....

The average American male gets married at 26.8 years old. I was 26.8 on May 18th of this year which officially makes me a late bloomer. You would think I would have my act together by now and would have had a house a woman and my life all figured out. I always said "Yeah, I'll figure it out soon.." Truth is, I'm here and there's nothing to figure out. When you're a baby you just had to figure out how your body and environment worked. As a toddler, you're walking around exploring stuff.. Now I got a house car and all that I need a woman, right?

So anyways. I'm not lonely, but I feel an obligation to try and get hitched. All my friends are getting married if they're not already. It really hit me when I got an invite to a friend's wedding... A friend who at one time I had feelings for. No I'm not still in love with her or anything, but one can't help but reevaluate your life based on these recent events.

I'm thinking way too much. Love Jesus. Every day. As much as possible. That should be my goal. All this depression and regret is taking time away from my Savior.

The Best Laid Plans

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
-Robert Burns

I've been really into British literature these past two weeks. It's really weird. I came across that  Robert Burns poem that I read back in '03 and it really inspired me to write this. My life never goes to plan. Nay, my life never goes according to MY plan. My initial plan was to move to Iowa for a bit, live with my friends for maybe a year, move in with my bro if I'm still here, and haul my crap back to California as quickly as possible.

Didn't Happen.

God had another plan. Move here... Humble the crap outta me, take away all the distractions I had back in California, then refocus my life to Him. It took like two years for that realization. Up to a couple of weeks ago, I still thought I needed to go back to California.

My old church needs me.
I need to see my cousins grow up.
My  parents are getting older. They need me to do stuff around the house.
I need to see my old friends.

Although none of those things are bad, those aren't things that I needed. I need to grow up.

And I've grown so much here. I have great friends that encourage me spiritually. I have an awesome church. I have my brother. I can start a life here. I HAVE started a life here.

My dad had cancer two weeks ago. Now he doesn't. During that week of suffering after he was diagnosed I felt week. I felt helpless. I felt like I was useless out here, and that I should have been in California this whole time to be there for my dad. I lost sleep. I lost sanity. I lost tears. But I never lost hope in Christ. Philippians 4:4-7 is something that I've been telling others to curb anxiety. I told people that the Love of Christ surpasses all understanding. I didn't tell that to myself. I hated that all I could do was depend on Him. I always take things (or try to) into my own hands and solve whatever problems. To think that something as terrible as cancer was used to humble me. To strengthen faith in my Christ. When I got news that the cancer was gone, I rejoiced and came to the realization that no matter where I am, God is sovereign and whatever happens will happen for His glory.

After the countless of job cancellations and denials, I've come to the acceptance, the realization, the welcoming of Central Iowa being my home. This time I mean it... Because I've said that before.


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
   
(Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)

Five Of the Weirdest Things About Me

We're all weird. Only few people list and elaborate on them on blogs, and that in itself is not weird. Let's get to it.

1. I hate Styrofoam. Polystyrene foam to be exact since Styrofoam is a brand name of the Dow Chemical company that invented it so for me to continue keep saying it would be ignorant. ANYWHO. I hate it. Not for the environment purposes, but the density, texture, and weight of it for some reason causes it to become repulsive. It's completely irrational to why I hate the feel and sound of the stuff, but it's very comforting to know that I'm not alone in this world. There was a group on myspace that was 27 people strong (back when myspace was cool), and I met someone in Iowa that shares the same fear. I used to have to be in another room while objects packed in the substance are being freed from its evil clutches ie super Nintendo, drinking glasses, etc.
2. I watch anime. What's anime? Japanese animation. It's not something I'm proud of. I basically only watch Naruto.... Which is about ninjas. Ok I guess enough about that.
3. I make a weird gag sound when I brush my teeth. More specifically if I brush for more than 5 minutes or if I'm brushing my tongue. Oftentimes people ask if I'm okay whilst coming from the bathroom after brushing. It's pretty bad, and I can't not do it. Sorry roomies.
4. I need like 2 pillows to sleep. I use 3 daily.
5. If I think I don't blink my eyes at exactly the same time, I have to reblink them. I'm pretty sure I have OCD.. Or did and grew out of it out of sheer laziness.

Little Things That Make my Day

1. Waking up not feeling crappy.
2. Having a song finish as I arrive at my destination.
3. Having exact change when paying in cash.
4. Filling gas and having it land on a price with no change.
5. Clean windshields.
6. When no one yells at me at work.
7. When the ketchup bottle is like 5% full (optimist) and it makes a fart noise.
8. Good parking spot available as I pull in lot.
9. I update a Facebook status and it is instantly liked.
10. Smiles from pretty faces.
11. Good hair days.
12. When I ask someone where they want to eat and they have a decisive answer.
13. Hearing a crunch when I step on a single leaf.
14. When I look at the clock and it's 3:33.
15. When I go to a restaurant and their to-go boxes aren't made of Styrofoam (polystyrene.. but Styrofoam is the generic term).
16. Any day without Styrofoam, actually. (I will expound on this one day)
17. Unique accents.
18. High fives.
19. Pickup lines
20. When I pick something out to wear and I don't have to iron it.
21. Mentally saying "I'll do those dishes later" and when I come back, they're done.
22. Spontaneous group song-singing.
23. When I have all socks accounted for in the laundry
24. When someone initiates a text conversation as I was texting them and I get to truthfully say, "I was texting you JUST now!"
25. When people read my blogs and comment/like on the post on facebook.

Superheros

I was reminiscing about camp. I was a camp counselor. It was a big part of my life - actually it still is because some of my best friends are people that I've met in a camp environment. But... that's an entry for another time. There's a camp theme every year for every camp that I've been to and my FIRST EVER camp was themed "God's Superheros!" I was pretty stoked to find out that the teams names for Junior week included Justice league, the Avengers, and two other insignificant teams. Seriously. Who can beat superman or the hulk? Anyways before I geek out on you, I was really really thinking about what we view as a superhero. The recipe goes as follows:

1. Regular guy
2. Something tragic/ near death happens
3. Said guy becomes awesome(r)
4. Morals get injected into said comic book

BOOM! you have a superhero!

 

Pictured Above: Superhero.. and sidekick Arturo

Okay.. That's just me on Halloween at the coffee shop I worked in back in 2006. We always think of a hero as someone who was normal, becomes stronger, and does things that no one else can really do to save them. I was always so envious. I wanted to climb walls. I wanted to fly. I wanted all the cool gadgets and I wanted to be fearless. But I never had a radioactive spider. Never came from Kryptonian decent. Didn't have he gizmos.

Going back to camp and the theme: My chapel notes have disappeared, but the message of Jesus has remained constant. Jesus was the ultimate superhero. He's defeated the villain of death and sin for ALL. The Formula is all backwards though: Already awesome... And coming down to earth as a regular man. A God-Man that hungered, that thirsted, that willingly felt pain for our behalves. This camp theme is really hitting home in terms of my weakness and infirmities. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul boasts in his weakness because it magnifies the strength of the Lord. God has constantly used the people - like Joseph (the youngest son), Moses (a cowardly man who couldn't even circumcise his own children), and Peter (a lowly fisherman) to serve Him in the greatest ways! It really puts it in position to where he could use anyone for His glory - no one has an excuse to not serve no matter how little they think they are or how insignificant I think I am.

I've always viewed strength as something of my own. So I'll pass on the gamma rays, the genetic experimentation and whatever made the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so mutantly and ninja-like - I have everything I need - my weakness magnifies how great God is.

 

Top Inventions: Aroma Alarm Clock

My mind wanders. Actually, I don't think it really has a set path, but when you see a blank stare, twiddling thumbs, and maybe a smirk on my face, it usually could be one of three things: I thought of a funny thought (a joke or pickup line), I farted, or I thought of a genius (to me) invention!

Now I'm no engineer. Nor do I have much practical creative ability, but I just wanted to share a couple of inventions that I've come up with over the years. Probably one blog post per invention.

Aroma Alarm Clock - I got this idea as a child on Saturday morning. Monday thru Friday you would wae up earlier than normal to go to school. I ran on a strict schedule because my parents could only drop me off at school on the way to work (which was very early). I dreaded the alarm clock. I dreaded it so hard. I looked forward to the weekend. As a kid you either woke up early for cartoons, or you slept in. I usually watched cartoons since you weren't really cool on Monday if you didn't watch the Friday night lineup 'TGIF' with Boy Meets World and others, or did not watch the Saturday morning cartoons (TMNT, Sonic the Hedgehog...) BUT When I was very tired I did not want to get bothered or wake up past 10 o clock.. UNLESS there was an awesome breakfast. I did NOT mind waking up for breakfast.

Reminiscing on those days, I thought of the Aroma Alarm Clock. Instead of waking up to a nagging sounding alarm, you would wake up like *sniff* *sniff* "OooOooo! Bacon!"

(Direct TV commercial rip off below)
Cus if you wake up angry, you start to throw things
If you start to throw things, your mom will think your crazy
If you're crazy you go to an insane asylum
When you go to an insane asylum, behavioral scientists study you.
When behavioral scientists study you, they name a disorder after you
When you get a disorder named after you, you will die alone
Don't die alone

Ever Have That English Assignment...

Where your teacher just told you to keep writing and not to stop and think, I thought that this would be a great experiment to do on a blog now that I'm older, more mature and have a sharpened mind. I'll be doing that on this blog now. Spelling errors and all. I haven't done this exercise in about well since like 8th grade or so... But here goes... So everyone is getting in a relationship and dating and stuff these days and I think it just has to do with the time of the year... Tis the season! I'm not jealous or anything... at least I don't think I am. I'm quite happy for those people actually. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want that for myself... But I'm a guy. I'm independant. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. But still. It'd be nice to have a woman. Work. Work's okay. Recently they increased the difficulty of our call volume. I didn't even know they sorted calls on difficulty level or anything. I just saw my phone program say "Advanced" on it this week and yeah... Calls are starting to suck more than they previously did.. Oh well.. At least I'm making more money now than I was when I was a dougie instructor... That's code for unemployed living with my parents. So Ryne's getting a car. Good for him. I'm buying it, so that's cool. He wants to get an SUV and looks like I already got my loan approved. Wow. I'm so vain. I am talking about money money and girls. God is great. I've been going to Willow Creek Baptist Church and that place is pretty awesome. The preaching is great and it really hits me hard. The focus in small groups hits home and really gets me going on accountability on my testimony. I need stuff like that to keep me going. I loved CBC and everything, but I just felt like I didn't belong there. My pet peeve is like you having a good conversation with someone and when you see them next... Maybe on campus, they'll pretend like they don't know you and don't even say hi or anything. That's a lot of the Faith Kids thought. Or that could just be me being critical on myself. But anyways I have to become a better me. Go out there not fearing rejection for a 'hi' or anything. I'm a grown man but I still feel those little high school insecurities.. I wonder if that will ever stop. Speaking of awkward moments, I heard my ex gf was in town... In fact I even heard that she went to go watch dorm ball and we were even in teh same room together... Before I even started dating her though I never really noticed her presence.. Even when she lead the kids in choir or played piano.. I just never really noticed her. My friend said it was probably good that I didnt see her because I don't avoid awkward situations.. I run right into them... Wow. I guess that's a little contradictory.. Me feeling insecure and awkward about even saying hi to someone i know from church but on the flipside saying something to my ex gf who pretty much ex communicated me from her life. I really wanted to be friends but I guess some of that just doesn't work out. I've been studying First Corinthians in my Devos.. God's been teaching me a lot in Romans and in 1 Cor these days but more particularly divisions in the church. Am I in the wrong for not being on speaking terms with a sister in Christ.. Is that the division? She does live far far away... So I don't know. All I know is that I have let everything go from that 2 week relationship.. but we had a really great friendship while that lasted. I really gotta start putting myself out there and being more outgoing. And here I was trying to move to Northern California.. I'd be a social mess if I moved. I just hope that God grows me good in my time In Iowa. Not in a physical sense though.

Well that was eventful.
What did I learn from that?
He must increase. I must decrease.